As a married couple with children, you and your spouse let communication fall by the wayside. You were poor communicators and did not jibe on a number of personal matters, leading to dissension and divorce. Now that you are divorced, you have no choice but to become a better communicator with your former spouse if you want to maintain a consistent role in your children’s lives.
But how do you do that? Especially with a skill that you and your former spouse so sorely lack? Judging by what happened in your marriage, you can only improve upon your communication skills. Now you must transform a drawback into an asset regarding interaction with your former spouse as well as your children.
Engage and listen
Maintaining a civil relationship with your former spouse is crucial when you have children. Because your kids watch you, look up to you and sense when conflict exists between you and your former spouse, it is critical to set exemplary patterns of behavior. A stable relationship with your former spouse allows for stability to exist in your children’s lives.
Here are some things to remember and subscribe to in communicating with your former spouse:
- Engage:Do not let past ill feelings overtake you. This is now, so focus on what needs to be done at that moment. Do not ignore texts, emails and voicemail. It is a petty, passive-aggressive move to ignore your former spouse, especially in matters involving your children.
- Talk about your children –the most important things you have in common: Your children have two homes now, and they experience different things in each of them. Share details about what is happening at each home and their school-related activities.
- Maintain civil behavior:Your children will see this and remember that this is how normal people behave. There is no room for constant bickering anymore.
- Become a better listener:Hear them out. Listen closely to your former spouse and children. You will learn plenty.
Your time with the children necessarily lessoned after the divorce. You need to utilize your time effectively to maintain an active role in their lives. This includes maintaining steady and polite communication with your former spouse. This only helps in raising healthy and well-adjusted children.