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Tips for amicable co-parenting after Illinois divorce

On Behalf of | Nov 11, 2021 | divorce, parenting time |

Divorce is a complicated process, and more so when children are involved. According to the US Census Bureau, the state of Illinois has one of the lowest divorce rates in the country at 6.6%, with the national average at 36%. No one gets married with the intention of failure, but when relationships don’t work out, sometimes it’s best for both people to part ways.

Divorce can get ugly, and when parents struggle with fulfilling their duties, their children can suffer physically, emotionally, and psychologically. We’ll review a few tips on amicable co-parenting after divorce to ensure the best conditions possible for any children involved.

Set your feelings for your ex aside

According to NCBI, over 50% of divorces are due to infidelity. It’s easy to understand why you may wish to cut ties with your ex in such an instance. However, it’s important to set those feelings aside and focus on the children’s well-being when co-parenting. The fact remains that an ex-spouse is still a child’s parent, and being an unfaithful partner does not take away their parental rights.

Divorce can take a toll on one’s physical and mental well-being. It’s okay to feel bitter or resentment towards an ex-spouse, but the children’s needs must always take precedence over your feelings. Talk to a therapist, family, or friends to help you process your emotions to avoid projecting them onto the children.

Communicate directly with your ex-spouse, not through children

Make sure that all communication with your ex occurs directly with them, not through your kids. Children do not serve as messengers, and involving them in an adult conflict between their parents is unfair. According to Healthline, children between ages 6-12 are most affected by parents’ divorce because they’re old enough to recognize the changes in their family dynamics.

Never discuss any of your ex-partner’s transgressions with your children. Whenever you need to express discontent or address an issue, talk to directly your ex or another adult. Being a bad spouse does not translate to poor parenting, so it is unfair to paint a negative image of your ex in front of your child, or worse, pressure them to choose sides.

Work as a team and create consistency

To minimize disagreements and misunderstandings, keep channels of communication open when it comes to co-parenting. Find tools that support the whole family, like parenting time schedules and backup plans if one parent has a last-minute conflict that they cannot avoid.

Children can sometimes cause conflict between parents in order to get their way. So, when making decisions regarding the children, it’s important to present a united front.

Co-parenting can be a challenging method of raising your children with an ex-spouse, but remember that the most important priority is your children’s health, safety, and happiness. Finding ways to develop an amicable relationship with your ex will benefit everyone involved.